Tell Me It's Real
by Brooke D
Summary: “Was I not good enough?” Her voice was cracked, her bottom lip was trembling and the first tear had fallen. “Brooke…” He was at a loss of words. BL, set a year after 5x18. R


Title:

Title: Tell Me It's Real

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anything…although I'd like to own Chad and little Jackson. ;)

Summary: Even if she knew that nothing would ever happen, she needed to let it out and more importantly; she needed to know that it meant something. BL, set a year after 5x18.

Author's Note: I know I'm definitely the last person who should be writing another story but this one-shot has been on my mind for a while now. For the ones who read my other story or stories, I apologize for not updating in so long but I'm already working on next chapters.

_The flashbacks are in italic._

_I wanna free fall out into nothin' _

_Gonna leave this, this world for a while_

She knew that she shouldn't be here. She knew that it was wrong but somehow she couldn't turn away and go home. Lately she's been feeling more alone then ever and the more she tried to forget, the more the memories came back. Memories of hurt, betrayal and sadness.

It's been a year since she's last been here but somehow it seems as no time has passed at all. With which step taken her breath starts to get heavier and she can already feel her hands shaking.

If you had told her that in a year's time she would be here, she'd probably have laughed at your face and called you crazy. A year ago she lived in Tree Hill with her best friend and her foster baby but sadly nothing lasts forever.

When he had called her that day she didn't want to go because it would bring too many complications and honestly, her life was already complicated enough as it was. But she was missing Angie so much at the time and he sounded so lost that when she realized it, she was already on a plane with him.

In the weeks after Lindsey had left him and Angie had came into her life they had gotten really close, they hadn't been this close in such a long time that she had even forgotten how good it felt to just talk to him but more importantly she had forgotten how good it felt to just be close to him.

When they got to Vegas they didn't talk at all. She didn't want to torture herself anymore with Angie's departure, she just wanted to get drunk and forget and she knew that he wanted the same thing but what he was trying to forget was all the drama he had going on with Peyton and how Lindsey had broken his heart.

Everything was great until their third night…

_They had gone to the casino again and after loosing lots of money they decided to go to the bar for the third night in a roll._

"_Come on Luke just one more!" To say that she and Lucas had a little too much to drink would be an understatement. They've been drinking non stop since their first night, their cell phones turned off somewhere in their room. Yes, they were sharing a room. _

"_Ooookay, but you have to promise me that you'll drink one more too." He said as he picked up his tequila shot and drunk it up without waiting to see if she agreed. Honestly, he didn't need to because he knew she would._

"_Yep! It's my turn…gimme the glass Scott." Brooke said as she quickly got up but had to hold onto Lucas' arms in order of not falling on her ass. Lucas' hands were on Brooke's waist as he pulled her closer to him in order of supporting them both but as he pulled her closer she lost her balance again and ended up on his lap. Their faces were really close now and suddenly Lucas' lips were on Brooke's._

_They were quickly making their way towards their room. The elevator ride seemed like a life time even though Lucas had Brooke pinned up against the wall and was sucking on her neck while she started to unbutton his shirt. _

"_Luuucas…" He was sucking on the sensitive spot on her neck that he knew drove her crazy._

_Hearing her moaning his name only made him suck harder as one of his hands started to make its was up her leg. His shirt was already unbuttoned and Brooke's hands were running freely on Lucas' chest and just as one of her hands started to make its way to his belt bucket the door opened._

_Lucas didn't even mind as he picked Brooke up and started carrying her towards their room. As soon as she opened the door his shirt went flying as she quickly kicked her shoes off._

_His hands were already working on her dress as hers started tugging at the elastic band of his boxers._

_The next morning when Brooke woke up she felt the sunlight hit her face and she groaned. When she tried to turn around and go back to sleep she felt an arm wrapped around her and she silent cursed Lucas for letting her get so drunk to the point she'd have an one-night stand with a strange guy. Lucas Scott was definitely a dead man. _

_She wasn't sure if she wanted to see who this guy was but no better time then the present, right?! Besides she was Brooke Davis and she could face a strange guy._

_But as soon as she saw who it was all of her confidence went out of the window. _

_She had slept with Lucas Scott._

_She had slept with her ex-boyfriend and now best guy friend Lucas Scott._

_She had slept with the guy her best friend was in love with._

_She had done exactly what she said she wouldn't do…she betrayed Peyton._

She stills remembers the morning after. She still remembers how she wasn't as shocked as she thought she'd be when she found out it was Lucas next to her. She still remembers feeling like she was expecting him to be there, next to her. But more important, she still remembers wishing that every morning would be like this…him and her, together.

_She quietly got up trying not to make any noise so Lucas would keep sleeping. She knew she could probably throw a party there and he'd keep sleeping because that was how he was when sleeping…a stone._

_Even though she was trying not to cry it wasn't working. Tears were streaming down her face as she quickly gathered her things trying to leave as fast as she could. She was feeling so many things. She was feeling bad for betraying Peyton like that, even though she and Lucas were not together. She was feeling sad because she knew that she wouldn't be able to face Lucas or anyone in Tree Hill for a while. For how long?! She had no idea. And the thought of leaving her hometown yet again saddened her because this time she wouldn't be just leaving her friends, she would be leaving the most important person in her life, her godson, James Lucas Scott. _

_She was feeling love, betrayal, anger, embarrassment, sadness…but for all the things she should be feeling, regret was definitely not one of them. _

Leaving that hotel room was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. The others being breaking up with Lucas at senior year and sending him to Peyton at the championship game. But she knew it was the right thing to do. She didn't have a doubt about Lucas loving her but she knew that he wasn't in love with her…maybe never was but she wouldn't stay there and wait for him to say that what they did was a mistake and that it only made him realize how much he wanted Peyton or even Lindsey back. At that point, she didn't really care anymore. Lie. She did care, she just didn't want to get hurt again, especially by Lucas Scott.

_Bittersweet memories  
That is all I'm taking with me  
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.  
We both know I'm not what you, you need_

_She had gathered her things and had already booked the next flight to Tree Hill, which left in two hours. Hopefully Lucas would still be sleeping and wouldn't come after her…not that he ever did but she'd be lying if she said that a little part of her didn't want him to come after her and tell her that it wasn't a mistake…but she knew that dreams and reality were two different things, things that in the world of Brooke Davis never mixed together. _

_She really didn't want to go without saying something to him but when she got the paper and looked at it she realized that she didn't have anything to write. At least, she didn't have something that would be enough for him to understand why she had left without as much as a goodbye. So after pondering for a while she decided on the simplest words: _

_Thank you and until someday,_

_Brooke Davis. _

_She knew that he probably wouldn't understand what she was thanking him for but it was okay, because he never did anyway._

_If I should stay,  
I would only be in your way  
So I'll go, but I know  
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way_

Since that day she hadn't talked much less seen him. She still remembers sitting on the plastic chair at the airport wishing he'd come after her but as she heard the final boarding call and no sign of the blond blue-eyed man she picked up her suitcase and never looked back.

_I hope life treats you kind  
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.  
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.  
But above all this, I wish you love. _

_She was in a cab on her way back to her house. While she was in the plane she had a lot of time to think and she already knew what she had to do, pack her things and leave. There was no way she'd be able to stay and see everyone's reactions, especially Peyton and Haley's. Seeing Lucas was totally out of the question. _

_She knew that avoiding Peyton would be hard even if for her lucky she had already went on tour with Mia. She was her best friend but she preferred to avoid Peyton than break her heart even more._

_Her cell phone was still off since she was afraid that Lucas would call. As soon as she opened the door she saw the light of the answering machine on. Making her way towards her phone she saw what she was dreading, forty five messages. She didn't want to hear them but her curiosity as always, got the best of her._

"_Hey Brooke its Millie…" Erased._

"_Brooke its Haley, listen I was…" Erased._

"_It's Greg from L.A. and I'm looking for a Miss Peyt…" Erased._

"_It's Millie…" Erased._

_There were only two messages left, all the others were erased and none were from Lucas. She didn't know why she was surprised but she thought that at least he'd call to see if she was okay…guess not._

"_Brooke where the hell…" Haley…again. Erased…again._

"_I'm getting really worried here Broo…" Millie…again. Erased…again._

_Forty five messages, 18 from Millie, 18 from Haley, 5 from Jamie, 2 from Nathan and 2 to Peyton. None from Lucas._

Everything about her night with Lucas and the day after are still so clear in her mind that it scares her a bit. She knew that her leaving town was the right decision but the way she left was wrong. She left without telling anyone, went to New York and two days after her arrival called Haley and made an excuse up that some problem had happened at the company and she had to go back immediately. Fortunately, Haley bought her excuse. Brooke didn't dare to ask about Lucas but he mustn't have told Haley anything because she knew that if he had, she'd have known.

Even though she kept in touch with Nathan, Haley and Jamie she hasn't seen them since before she left Tree Hill permanently, especially since her and Haley's friendship was basically non existent while she was there. If it wasn't for Jamie they would probably have lost touch. It saddened her that she was losing so much of her godson's childhood again but she was just too scared to go back, especially after what happened while she was in New York.

Slowly bringing her hand to his door she knocked softly. Her hands were shaking, badly. She didn't know if she wanted someone to answer the door, maybe it was a bad idea to come here, maybe she should just go and pretend that she was never there. But just as she was turning around she heard the voice she's been craving to hear for a year.

"Brooke?" He must be seeing things because there was no way that Brooke Davis was in his doorstep after a year of no communication.

"Hey Lucas." She didn't dare to call him Luke because she had no idea of what he felt towards her right now, probably hate so she didn't want to say something that would make it worse.

So he wasn't seeing things. She was really there but doing what he had no idea. She has been gone for a year and never once did she call him to see how he was. Or even to talk about their night in Vegas.

Realizing that he hadn't said anything, not that he was planning to, he turned around and started to walk towards the living room leaving the door open.

Brooke took it as his invitation for her to come in. She quickly entered the house for the first time for a little over a year and closed the door behind her before she decided to run away, again.

When she got to the living room he was sitting on the couch and seeing that he didn't have the good-to-see-you-again-after-so-long-face she decided not to sit.

Several minutes passed and Lucas was still confused as hell but he was starting to get angry. Who does she think she is to just come back like that? The silence was really tense and awkward so Lucas, trying to suppress his anger said. "What are you doing here?" His voice came out quietly and calm, surprising them both.

"I…I don't know." Definitely not the way she wanted their conversation to start.

"How can you not know? You disappear for a year after fucking me at Vegas and suddenly you show up at my house for a reason that you don't know?!" His voice wasn't so low and calm anymore, it was incredulous and daring.

She shivered. She wasn't expecting him to say "make love to me" but she wasn't expecting him to refer to their night in Vegas as a fuck because for her a fuck is something that had no meaning and even though she knew that it meant nothing to him it still meant something to her and it hurt to hear him say it like that. But she wasn't going to cry, it's been exactly 365 days since she's shed a tear and she knew that if she started, she wasn't going to be able to stop.

"I'm so-sorry." She said in a weak voice. Even though her voice was weak she did not let the hurt show.

"What are you apologizing for? Are you apologizing for fucking me at Vegas? Better yet, are you apologizing for leaving me there alone wondering where the hell you were? Or are you apologizing for not saying goodbye? Or for making me feel so lost when I got back to Tree Hill to find out that you had already disappeared? Are you apologizing for not calling on my birthday? Tell me Brooke, what the hell are you apologizing for?" He asked angrily.

"Stop calling it that." She whispered and her voice cracked a little. Lucas wasn't sure if she had said anything at all but when she repeated it he was sure she had.

"Stop calling what?" He asked dumbly and sudden it clicked in his head that she was referring to their night together. But he didn't care to what she was feeling, he wanted to make her feel what he felt when he found out he was alone in a cold hotel room with a simple note that said nothing at all, except _Thank you and until someday, Brooke Davis. _He still had no idea why she was thanking him and as of now, he didn't care either.

"Ohhh! You don't want me to call it what it is Brookie?!" He said with a fake concerned voice, that was mean and that was breaking her heart into a zillion pieces. "You fucked me. You didn't hear me?! Don't worry I'll say it again, you fucked me. You. Fucked. Me. It was a great fuck I have to admit that, with you it's always great since you've been opening your legs since what…14?!"

And that was when he felt Brooke slap him.

He knew that he had crossed the line but he was angry, confused and hurt. True, he wanted to hurt her but he was regretting it because he knew that even though she had hurt him by leaving him alone in Vegas, no one deserved it.

When he looked up he wanted to beat himself up. Her face showed so much hurt but surprisingly there were no tears and that scared him more than he wanted to admit. "Brooke…I…I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me…I…I'm sorry" He said meekly.

In that moment she didn't even know why she had gone there anymore. She knew it was wrong but her stubbornness made her come anyway and now she wished she had thought more about it before jumping on a plane.

In all those years that she's known him, he had never said anything close to that and even if she didn't want to admit, it hurt like hell because even if everyone thought that about her, she didn't mind _that much_ because she knew that _he_ didn't, she knew that _he_ saw her as she really was, a human being with feelings not a heartless whore.

Guess she was wrong. But she shouldn't be surprised because as always life has a way of making her realize that no matter what she wants or thinks, it never works out.

From all the things that someone has ever said to her, that was by far the most hurtful one. Not because it was the first time she's heard this words but because it was _Lucas Scott_ who said them.

"Don't be mad at me, okay? I'm really sorry. Do you forgive me?"

When she looked at him again she saw regret all over his face and even against her better judgment she said "Okay." She wasn't mad, she really wasn't mad. But as always he was too blind to realize that.

"Do you want a coffee?" He asked as a peace offering.

She said nothing. She only nodded her head and started making her way towards the kitchen.

"Is it true?" He asked after a while.

She didn't need to ask about what he was talking about because she already knew and she knew that he knew it too. "Yes." She said in a scared voice as tears started burning her vision but again she didn't let them fall.

He quickly got up and started pacing around yelling. "How couldn't you fucking tell me?" She didn't have time to even open her mouth because he was already yelling again. "Answer me Brooke! How in the hell couldn't you have told me that you were fucking pregnant?" He laughed as his eyes got colder than she's ever seen and he started yelling again. But this time his voice was cold…mean, like he wanted to hurt her just as much as she knew she had hurt him. "That came out wrong, so let me rephrase it. How in the hell couldn't you have told me you were fucking pregnant and had a miscarriage?"

This time though he just looked at her waiting for an answer that both of them weren't sure would come…and if did come, they knew that he wasn't going to like it.

She still hadn't said anything and her eyes were focused on the can of beer placed on the floor. Finally when she couldn't take Lucas' glares anymore she looked up and he took it as his chance to speak again but this time all the anger he had, vanished and all that was left was the hurt.

"How Brooke?" He quietly said as his voice started to crack. "How couldn't you tell me?"

She wasn't prepared to have this conversation even though her miscarriage had happened eight and an half months ago, she wasn't ready…and she wasn't sure she ever would be.

_It was all happening too fast. One moment she was in her office and now she's in an hospital room with a doctor telling her that she had a miscarriage…but she couldn't have had one because she wasn't pregnant, right?! There must've been a mistake._

"…_I just want to keep you overnight Miss Davis to…" Doctor-she-had-no-idea-what-his-name-was was talking but she stopped listening after he told her about the miscarriage._

"_Hmm…can…can you te-tell me…how far along I…I was?" She stuttered. She was so lost right now…she hadn't had sex with anyone since…Lucas. And that was when it dawned on her that she was pregnant with Lucas Scott's baby…__**their**__ baby. She had lost the only part of Lucas she'd be able to keep forever, as hers…not Peyton's, not Lindsey's but hers. And suddenly she didn't need to hear the doctor tell her how far along she was or anything else for that matter…the only thing she needed now was to have her unborn baby back and Lucas there with her._

"_Do you have any questions?" The Doctor asked. Again she had zoned off but it didn't matter, nothing mattered anymore. She wasn't supposed to feel like that, was she? She only found out about the baby ten minutes ago and already she loved and missed it like she never missed or loved anyone else her entire life, with maybe the exception of Lucas. She shook her head and watched as the Doctor left her alone…with no baby and no Lucas._

"I…I…" She just couldn't. She just couldn't talk about it because she never allowed herself to believe that it did happen. The moment she left the hospital she buried herself into her work just as she had done years before and locked up that part of her life. The media went crazy with rumors and speculations about why she was in the hospital but all they ever got from her was that it was because of stress.

In some ways it was true. She knew it was her fault she lost the baby. She knew that if she had eaten all her meals and worked a normal 8 hour schedule she'd have hers, no _their_ baby right now…but she didn't and even though she had no idea she was pregnant, it didn't make her feel any better or did it make the guilt go away.

"You what Brooke?!" Lucas said and the hurt was still there but his voice was back to the cold tone he had used earlier.

"I…I" She couldn't form the words. She had so many things that she needed to explain to him but she didn't know how to start, she didn't know if talking about it would be worth something for her…if opening this old wound would do her any good.

Her heart is too damaged at such a young age. She's twenty three but her heart has been broken so many times that she feels like it'll never be whole again and it probably won't and that is one of the reasons of why she keeps herself far away from anything that can hurt her and Lucas Scott is the person that can break her with one single sentence. Hell, he could break her with one word if he wanted to. Not only he could, he did when he made that little comment earlier. But she was Brooke Davis and she wouldn't be weak and vulnerable in front of anyone, especially in front of Lucas Scott.

He didn't want to be so mean to her but he was feeling so hurt that he didn't know what to do or what to think anymore. He was going to be a dad. He and Brooke had created a human being. He never got the chance to see him or her. She kept it from him. He couldn't have his baby back but he could have answers, he needed answers.

He knew that if he wanted answers he would have to stop yelling at her because wanting or not she had lost the baby too and even if he wanted to forget about her feelings just as she had forgotten his, he couldn't.

Sitting down again on the couch and scooting closer to her, he put his hands on her back and started to slowly move it in circles, trying to give her some comfort and show that she was not alone.

"What are you doing?" She asked in a scared and extra raspier voice. One minute he was yelling at her and suddenly he's comforting her?!

He did notice how she tensed when his hand touched her back but he decided to ignore it. "I'm sorry about everything that I've said to you tonight. I didn't mean any of it…"

"No, you did."

"No, no Brooke I didn't. I guess I was just trying to hurt you like you hurt me and I know it was wrong but…"

"At the moment it felt right."

"Yeah. But you know that I'm sorry, right!?"

"I know you are but…"

"It doesn't change what I said."

She only nodded. "You haven't answered my question yet..."

"What question?" The whole time they've been talking his hand was still on her back.

"What are you doing?!" She said pointing to his hand.

"I know that if I keep yelling you're not going to say anything."

Even if for a second, she had forgotten that she still had _that_ conversion ahead. She knew that he deserved answers even if it meant that she would have to open old wounds. "I didn't know until I had lost it…" She started talking looking at the wall and avoiding eye contact with him.

She didn't know. The moment the words had left her mouth, guilt kicked in. There he was accusing her of not telling him about their baby when she didn't even know it herself. But as soon as the guilt kicked in so did the anger. She didn't tell him when she was pregnant but she could have told him after. All rational thought was leaving again, and the only thing left was the anger. "Why didn't you tell me after?"

So much for the not yelling, she thought bitterly. She soon realized that his hand had left her back and that he was standing again. This time though, she wasn't going to let him yell at her so she too got up. "Because it wouldn't change anything." By now them both were yelling.

"For who? Don't you think I had a right to know? Because it takes two to make a baby so I had as much right to know as you did."

"Why would I want to tell you? You didn't even call me to see if I was okay."

And there it was. Now it all made sense to Lucas. She didn't tell him because she wanted revenge. Revenge for him not calling her after their night in Vegas. He couldn't believe that she had become this bitter and heartless in a year's time because she used to be so selfless and forgiving. But now she was just a cruel person. He guessed that it was the effect that money had in a person.

And there it was. What she has been keeping locked in her heart. She didn't want to admit it but he not calling her had an effect on her decision of not telling him. It wasn't the main reason but it was a considerable factor.

"How could you have been such a selfish bitch?" He yelled even louder.

"Me a bitch? I was only trying to protect you." She yelled too.

"Protect me? Protect me, Brooke? It's just great, you know. You hiding the fact you were pregnant was to protect me! Do you really think I'm going to believe that shit?!"

"Its true okay?! I didn't want you to feel what I felt when I found out your jackass."

"If you didn't want to tell me then why did you come here tonight?"

She had no answer to that question and they both knew it.

Lucas took it as his chance to keep yelling. "See, you have no answer to give me because you knew that if you came I'd ask something."

"If you had really wanted to know you'd have called me."

"Why would I call you after you left me alone in Vegas?! Without as much as a simple goodbye, might I add?"

"I didn't leave without a goodbye. I left you a note." She said meekly.

"A note?! You mean that fucking piece of paper? You call it a goodbye, Brooke?! Please! You didn't even have the decency to wake me up and say 'By the way Lucas, I'm leaving.' You left that fucking piece of paper with a _Thank you and until someday. _What kind of person does this?!" He was yelling so much that she was starting to get scared.

"The kind of person that didn't want to get her heart broken again, especially by you." She yelled as loud as she could. This wasn't the way she wanted things to go. She just wanted to talk to him one last time and try to get the closure they never had because that talk they had at Rachel's porch after Whitey's dinner was not closure. Closure was something that would make you feel better and not something that would make you cry all night for weeks after. "The kind of person that didn't want to hear how sleeping with them had been a mistake. The kind of person that was feeling horrible for having done what she had promise she'd never do to anyone, especially to her best friend. The kind of person that just wanted to protect her heart from the only person that is able to break it." She yelled so quickly that she had to stop and take deep breaths.

_What more can you say_

_When love won't let you, walk away_

_And you can't help who you love_

_And you find yourself giving it away_

_When you think you're in love_

Lucas didn't know what to say. There were so many things that he wanted to say, that he _should_ say but didn't know how to start. Her revelation or better yet, revelations had caught him off guard. He wasn't expecting her to say all that stuff. He wasn't expecting her to say that she thought them sleeping together had been a mistake because it wasn't, at least not to him. He wasn't expecting her to say that he was the only one that could break her. He wasn't expecting anything at all because he knew that after everything that's happened between them he didn't deserve a thing. "Peyton and I weren't together." So that was definitely the last thing he should have said. Their conversation was too emotional already and bringing Peyton into it wasn't going to do any good. But it was too late, he had already opened Pandora's Box.

"You may not have been together but she was in love with you and even if you didn't want to admit it at the time so were you." She said. Her voice cracked slightly at the end and Lucas could swear he saw her bottle lip tremble.

She didn't want to talk about it anymore because talking about Peyton hurt too much. It was almost an unbearable pain to know that the person you're in love with never loved you the way you love him or the way he loves your best friend. That's right _loves_. Because he admitted that he was and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer. Not Brooke Davis but Peyton Sawyer. "Did you ever love me?" She asked in a small voice. She wanted to ask that question for such a long time that now that she did she wasn't really sure if she should have.

It amazed him how she could leave him speechless so many times in a roll but hearing her ask him that hurt. It hurt because he thought that after everything they went through she shouldn't have a doubt that he did love her, a lot in fact. "How can you ask me that?"

She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was hurt and she felt a little guilt. But as soon as it came it went because she realized that he was avoiding the question and for her when someone avoids a question it's because either they don't know the answer or they are scared of hurting the other. She was sure that in their case it was the second option. "You mean, how could I not ask you that, right?" The vulnerability of her voice went way and was replaced with anger.

He too was getting angry. How could she accuse him of never loving her?! Did she forget everything they went through?! "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means Lucas."

'No, I don't. I'd appreciate if you could enlighten me."

"Come on, Lucas. Do not play dumb with me, okay?! I'm not that stupid teenager girl anymore that believed in the bullshit that came out of your mouth." She yelled.

"What bullshit?"

"Oh come on, Lucas. The love speeches, the promises, the 'I love you's…"

"How can you say that? It wasn't bullshit Brooke. I love you." They were so caught up in the yelling that neither realized that Lucas had said _love _not _loved_.

"When did you love me? When you were with Peyton behind my back or when you lied to me about that kiss in the library or when you ignored my calls while you were away with your mom or when you lied about your heart condition? Huh, Lucas?! When did you love me? How could you love me if never _talked_ to me?" Her eyes were quickly filling up with tears and she had to make it stop. She couldn't cry. She _refused_ to cry.

Until that moment he had never realized the full extension of his actions. He had never realized how much he had hurt her. How much he had _broken_ her. "Brooke…"

"Was I not good enough?" Her voice was cracked, her bottom lip was trembling and the first tear had fallen.

Her words literally crushed his heart. Had him been such a bad boyfriend that he made her doubt herself? Had he treated her so bad to the point she thought she wasn't enough? "Brooke…" He was at a loss of words. What do you say to someone when they ask you something like that?! But before he could utter a word she said,

"Hmm…forget it. You don't need to answer that. I'm sorry but I…I have to go." She quickly grabbed her purse and left.

Suddenly he was back at senior year watching her walk away from him. That night he didn't sleep an inch replying scenarios of what could have happened if he had gone after her. Suddenly he was in Vegas again…

_At first he didn't know where he was but soon the memories from the previous night came back to him and a small smile made its way to Lucas' face. He turned around expecting to see Brooke lying next to him but the bed was empty and when his hand made contact with the sheets he realized that they were cold, which meant that she's been up for a while now. He looked at the clock beside him that marked 1:30 p.m._

_Getting up and putting his boxers on he looked around the room and realized that her things were gone. "Brooke!" The clothes that were all around the room the previous nights were missing, her toothbrush wasn't next to his anymore and her shampoo wasn't there either. "Brooke!"_

_He was starting to panic. There was no way that she would leave him there, right?! Sadly, there was because after looking five times for her in their room and calling the reception to ask about her, he was informed that she had left four hours ago._

_She left. He still couldn't believe in the words. She. Left. She left, without a goodbye, without anything. Looking down he saw a small paper on the floor close to the bedside table. He picked it up and looking down he saw seven words that made him feel like crap._

_Thank you and until someday,_

_Brooke Davis_

_It wasn't anything remotely close to what he was expecting when he saw the paper on the floor. He was expecting her to say that she had to go back but that she'd see him soon or that she had to go back but that she was expecting him to call. Anything, he was expecting anything but what she wrote._

_Thank you for what? _

_For the trip?_

_For their night together?_

_He had no idea of why she was thanking him and he had a feeling that he wasn't going to find out anytime soon._

That day he made a mistake. He didn't go after her. He didn't call her. He just let her walk away like in senior year. But now, he wasn't going to make the same mistake for the third time. He quickly grabbed his car keys and left too.

_Now baby girl there ain't nothing more than I can say_

_You know by now I want it more than anything_

_If I walk away and just let you leave_

_You'll be stuck in my head like a melody_

She was already halfway to her destination. She was regretting saying all that stuff. One time she thought that she'd feel better letting it all out but now she wasn't sure what had made her think so.

She left because she didn't want to hear his answer. She left because she was scared of what he'd say. What if he confirmed one for her deepest fears? What if he said that she wasn't good enough? What if he said that she was nothing compared to Peyton? But worst of all, what if he said that he had never loved her? She didn't think she'd be able to take it because she was sure that it had been love. Well, at least for a while she was sure but even though that she has doubted the love he said he had for her for a while now, she wasn't prepared to deal with the repercussions in case he said that he didn't. He had been the only person with the ability to make her happy. _Truly happy_ that is. To make her feel like she mattered. To make her feel loved even if it was just for a little while. And she definitely wasn't ready to lose that yet. To lose the memories that she worked so hard through the years to keep intact.

That was when she felt something wet on her face. She hadn't even realized that she was crying. She hadn't cried in so long that she wasn't sure what to do. Wiping the tear off her face she realized that it just made others come out faster. Trying to distract her mind she turned the radio on.

_My only weakness is you_

_Only reason is you_

_Every minute with you_

_I feel like I can do _

_Anything…_

'Great! Just what I need right now, a cheesy song.' She thought bitterly. She turned the radio off and parked her car, quickly making her way towards the water. She wanted to go home but she couldn't just show up at the airport looking like that. She had her image to think about. What would the tabloids say if she appeared in public like that?

A year ago she wouldn't have cared but now 'Clothes over Bros' was the only thing she had. The only thing that no one could take away from her and she'd do anything to keep it that way.

He was driving like a mad man but he didn't care. He needs to get to her. He needs to find her before she slips through his fingers again. Where could she be? He doubted she'd go to the airport looking like that, even if she wanted to get away she'd never go in public like that. Not that she wasn't beautiful because she was, but she was Brooke Davis and she didn't like to seem weak in front of others, therefore the airport was out of the question.

He didn't think she'd go to her house either much less to Haley's.

And suddenly he knew where she'd be.

The waves were slowly crashing and she could feel the water on her feet occasionally. It was cold but it made her feel better. She knew that this was the only place she could come and not have bad memories being thrown at her.

Somehow, over the years each place in Tree Hill became a place were all she could think about were bad memories.

Peyton's old house is still the place where she spent most of her childhood and she loved it. Now all she could see when she went there was the image of Peyton and Lucas fooling around behind her back or Psycho Derek running after her and Peyton.

Karen's café used to give her a homely feeling. It made her feel like she could be herself even if there were other people around. Like no one would judge her because Karen made her feel welcomed, made her feel like she had someone who cared about her well being since her parents were always traveling.

Her and Haley's old apartment had been the second place where she had felt like she had a home, the first being Lucas' house. That feeling didn't last long because when she was living with Peyton senior year she remembers getting home and finding a note telling Brooke not to go into their room. She also remembers sleeping in the couch countless nights and hearing Peyton moaning Lucas' fucking name. She hated that but there was nothing she could do because she wanted them to be happy and if he was happy without her then so be it.

The school gym used to be her sanctuary. It was the only place where she could go when she needed to be alone and think. She used to stay there for hours trying to come up with new routines while thinking about her problems. No one knew but Whitey had to basically throw her out. One day in junior year he gave up and gave her a key but not before making her promise not to tell anyone. She still had the key but she never felt the desire to use it. Whitey wasn't there anymore and the memories of the last months of senior year weren't good. The day they won the championship game was the day Brooke finally realized that she couldn't fight fate anymore and she let Lucas go…physically not emotionally.

The river court meant so much to her. Until junior year she hadn't even known that it existed and when she did, she regretted not going there sooner. Maybe if she had gone there sooner Lucas would have loved her and they'd be happy together. Who is she kidding, right? Lucas and Peyton are _destined _to be together and nothing that she'd have done could change that. There had always been their place, the place where he had told her she was the _biggest_ part of his word. Her. Not anyone or anything else. She was…was being the key word. But all that changed when she saw Peyton's drawing last year. It was like a cold shower that woke her up…

_She was on her way to the airport but before she needed to make one stop. The river court. She needed to see Peyton's drawing. Lucas had told her about it but he didn't give much away so she wanted to see it. When he said that Peyton had painted it on the river court Brooke felt like a knife was tearing her heart apart. She didn't let it show though._

_Getting out of the cab she looked around and saw how beautiful it really was. The sun was shinning, there was a slightly wind that made her hair blow around her face and in the distance she could hear some birds singing. _

_The drawing was beautiful, it really was. Coming from Peyton she shouldn't have expected anything less. The words "I Will Always Love You" were beautifully written on the concrete floor. _

_She felt even worse than how she was feeling earlier. There is was, Peyton professing her never ending love for Lucas while she had gone to Vegas with said Lucas and slept with him. She didn't want to look at it anymore, she was feeling too guilt so she quickly walked to her cab and told the driver to take her to the airport. But even if she was feeling that guilt the regret didn't come…_

And to this day, she's still waiting for it to.

"Hey." It was just a whisper and if she couldn't feel his presence she'd think that she had imagined that he was there.

"Hey." She said back. She didn't know how he had found her there but it wasn't what was plaguing her mind, it was the fact that he had come after her. After all these years he had finally came after her and she didn't know if she should feel relieved or not. "What are you doing here?" She meant for it to come out strong and cold but it came out weak and low.

"I…I want to talk to you Brooke." He said with a determination that surprised her.

"I don't think there's something to talk about." She didn't want to fight anymore, she was tired…tired of it all.

He spent all the way there thinking of what to say to her. Trying to find a way to put to words what he was feeling and he thought he had done it but as soon as he looked at her sitting alone in the beach with her arms wrapped around her legs, the words had left his mind all over again. "Of course there is something we should talk about, not just one thing but lots of them." He said while sitting next to her but keeping a little distance between them. He didn't want to do anything that would make her run away again.

"No there isn't." She was being stubborn and he would be lying if he said that it didn't make him happy because usually when she's being like this is because she knows that she's wrong.

"Yes, there is and you know it as much as I do." He was trying to push her to admit that they needed to talk. He waited and when he saw that she wasn't going to say anything he started. "Fine. If you don't want to talk at least listen to me, okay?" Still she said nothing and he was getting frustrated but trying not to show it. He run a hand through his hair, something he always did when he was either embarrassed or nervous. "I'm not going to pretend that I'm not mad at you for not telling me about the baby because I am. You have no idea how mad I am but I'm not as mad as I'm hurt. I thought we were friends Brooke and that even though we had slept together we'd still be able to keep that great friendship we had formed after so long."

"Luke…" It was the first time that night and in a year that she had called him that and somehow it made him think that they were getting somewhere.

But he didn't give her a chance to speak. "No, listen to me. Tonight I realized how much I've hurt you over the years. I knew I had hurt you, I just didn't know it had been that much. Better yet, so much that I made you doubt yourself Brooke. I want you to know that I never meant for it to happen, any of it." There was so much regret in his voice.

"It wasn't your fault Luke, it was mine. I knew that you and Peyton had something really strong between you guys since junior year but I choose to ignore it and in the end I got what I deserved." She said with tears running down her face. In the whole time she was speaking she never made eye contact with Lucas or even looked at his direction for that matter.

"No, no Brooke. Don't say that." If he wasn't feeling like crap before he definitely was now. She was blaming herself for something that he did. Something that she had no control over. "It wasn't your fault, okay?! Never for a second blame yourself for what happened, it was my fault not yours. You did nothing wrong, I did."

"It's okay Luke, you don't have to lie. I know that if maybe I had been prettier or smarter you wouldn't have run to Peyton." She saw that he was going to say something and before he could she continued. "I don't blame you for it, at least not anymore. Do you remember that project that we had senior year? That we had to spend an hour with someone and all that stuff?"

He wanted to say something to assure her that she was enough, that she has always been more than enough but he realizes that she needs to get it off her chest so he simply nods.

"I spent it with Chase and somehow I ended up telling him that I felt that I wasn't good enough and he told me that I was and then later on, right before we took our pictures, he asked me if I still felt that way and do you know what I said?" She didn't wait for his answer because she knew that he didn't know. "I told him yes and that I thought that it'd never go away and that I just had to learn to deal with it. I'm not telling you to make you feel guilt. I'm telling you because I want you to know that I learned and that I'm okay with the fact that I'm not enough for anyone."

"You don't deserve me."

"What?" So he actually agreed with her. She could feel her heart sink. She knew that there was a chance that he would but to actually hear him say that was a little too much.

"You don't deserve me, Brooke." He repeated.

When she had said 'what' she didn't mean for him to repeat it, once was enough.

"You deserve more. You deserve a lot more in fact." He said while turning her head towards him so she'd be able to see that he was telling the truth. "I never treated you the way you deserved Brooke. I took you for granted the both times we were together. I never appreciated you or told you how much you meant to me."

"Lucas…"

"No, I let you talk now I want you to let me do the same." She just nodded her head. "I should have known that things weren't right senior year but I was just too busy dealing with Keith's death and everyone's problems that I forgot to pay attention to mine, to ours. I shouldn't have ignored your calls and I sure as hell should have told you about the kiss. I swear Brooke that I didn't tell you because it meant nothing to me or to Peyton…"

He knew that he shouldn't have said Peyton's name because the moment that he did Brooke turned away from him. "What? Listen, I know that you don't like to talk about it but it did mean nothing Brooke…she thought she was dying."

She was tired to hear about that stupid kiss but she was even more tired to hear Lucas defend Peyton's actions like that when he didn't even know the whole story. "It did mean something to her, Lucas!"

"No, it didn't. We talked and she said that it didn't."

"She lied, Lucas. It meant something to her because she was fucking in love with you." Brooke yelled while getting up. There, she finally let it out. After years of holding it back she said it.

_ Why is it not the time?_

_ What is there more to learn?_

_ I've shed this skin I've been tripping in_

_And I've never quite returned_

Lucas was confused. What did Brooke mean? Peyton couldn't be in love with him then because when he and Brooke broke up she was trying to help him get her back, right? "What are you talking about? She wasn't in love with me." Brooke had to be lying because if she wasn't then everything would change.

"Yes, she was. She told me so at Nathan and Haley's rehearsal dinner." Suddenly, she wasn't that confident anymore. Now she wished that she had just kept her mouth shut.

So that's why they weren't talking at the wedding. Now it kind of all made sense…why they weren't talking, why Brooke had asked him not to talk to Peyton, why she had freaked out so much when she found out about the kiss. Now he knew she was lying when she said that she was breaking up with him because she didn't miss him anymore.

He was too quiet for her liking. He should have something to say, right? He couldn't just act like it made no difference, could he?

"You lied." He angrily said as he too got up.

"What?" Why was he angry at her? She hadn't done anything wrong.

"You told me that you didn't miss me anymore but that was a lie, wasn't it?" She was quiet and he knew that it meant he was right. "Answer me, damn it." He yelled.

"Yes…I mean no…maybe." She said weekly.

Her answer or better yet, lack of it made him even angrier. "Stop with the bullshit, Brooke! Tell me the fucking truth."

'Who does he think he is to talk to her like that?' She thought. "I don't have to tell you anything."

"Like hell you don't. I deserve to know why you broke up with me then because let's be honest here, that bullshit you fed me was ridiculous."

So they were both yelling again.

"You don't deserve a fucking thing Lucas Scott. And do not say that my feelings were ridiculous your jerk." Without realizing they were getting closer to each other. "Do you really want to know why I broke up with you?" Brooke yelled. "It was because I knew that as soon as you found out about Peyton's feelings for you, you'd leave me and her run to her." By now her hands turned into fists and she was hitting Lucas' chest with all her strength, which wasn't that much. "I wasn't wrong, was I? Because a month after we broke up you and her were already together." She was hitting stronger now and Lucas was trying to stop her by holding her hands. "Do you have any fucking idea of how hard it was to see you two together? Or to be totally ignored by the people you considered your best friends? Haley and Nathan were the only ones who talked to me but even they just did when you and Peyton weren't around."

_That was just a moment in time_

_And one we'll never forget_

_One we can leave behind_

Lucas was sure that she was going hysterical. Her face was red due to the yelling and the tears were streaming down non stop. He was feeling so guilt right now. He never wanted to do this to her. He never wanted to cause her this much pain. He only wanted her to be happy and he thought that if he kept his distance from her it'd be better but looking back now he realized that he only thought about himself. He only thought how it'd be easier to him. "Brooke…" He wasn't yelling anymore. He didn't have the heart to yell at her when she was like this.

She didn't listen to him or at least pretended not to. "Do you know what it felt like when I had no place to live and the only person that offered me a roof was my former enemy? Do you know how much it hurt when you forgot my birthday? How much it hurt to see you and Peyton in bed together? Or how much it hurt every time I had to sleep on the couch so you and Peyton could have sex? Let me rephrase that, do you know how much it hurt to have to try and sleep on the couch when Peyton was moaning your name so fucking loud that I couldn't sleep?" At this point she had completely lost it. She was sobbing so much that Lucas thought that she was going to make herself sick.

"Brooke…Brooke." He was feeling helpless. It was like she was in her own world, like she had forgotten he was there and she was coming to the realization that she could say what she's wanted to say for so long. "Brooke…" She was still sobbing and trying to repeatedly hit him.

"Do you know how much it hurt to let you go? How much it hurt when you told me you had proposed to her? Or how much it hurt when you kissed me at New York and I knew it was because you were only looking for a good fuck? Do you…do you know?" She didn't know what had gotten into her but she needed to let it out. All of it. She knew she was acting like a crazy person but at the moment she didn't care because she wanted him to know how he had ruined her life and how much she hated him for it. "I hate you…"

_The angry words_

_Came from nowhere without warning_

_Stole the moment and sent me away_

She _hated_ him. As soon as the words left her mouth he let go of her hands. She _hated_ him. She said so herself. He didn't know what to say so he just stood there as she continued to hit him and say that she in fact _hated_ him. Her voice was becoming low as were her sobs but the tears were coming so fast that he was scared that she'd choke on them.

She knew she didn't hate him. In fact, she loved him more then she's ever loved anyone but when she was angry or hurt she said things that she didn't mean and as of right now she was mad and hurt as hell. She didn't have any strength left. She's cried and yelled so much that she just wanted to sit and never have to get up again. She could actually feel her legs giving up on her and the hands that she was previously using to hit Lucas were used to hold onto him in order of not falling.

When he felt her small hands holding onto his shirt he knew that she was in the verge of a complete breakdown. Putting his hands around her waist he supported her as he slowly set them both down on the humid sand. They were quiet for a while and the only sound that could be heard were Brooke's occasional hiccups. "Do you really hate me Brooke?" He asked slowly with a cracked voice.

Just hearing his voice like that made her regret saying all that stuff. "You know I don't. I could never hate you. Believe me I tried but it didn't work out that well. I was just angry and hurt and you know how I get when I'm like that…I start to say things that I don't mean…"

"You sounded pretty sure of yourself to me."

She put her hand over his and gave it a little squeeze. "I don't hate you, okay?! I swear I don't. Besides, I didn't mean to say all that stuff…it just kind of got out before I could stop myself."

"I know I've said it before but I'm really sorry Brooke. You have no idea how sorry I am. For everything."

"I know you are but you can't help who you love, right?!" She asked looking down at their hands that somehow got laced together.

"You do believe me when I tell you that I really love you, right?" He didn't want to wait for her next breakdown. He wanted her to believe that he loved her. That he had been in love with her. That maybe he still was.

She didn't know how to respond to that because she didn't want to lie and if she said that she did believe him she'd be lying but if she said that she didn't she'd be opening the door to the fifth yelling match of the night, something that she wasn't looking for. So for the better or worse she stayed quiet.

Her silence told him all that he needed to know. He knew how to prove to her that he did love her, that he _does_ love her. Getting up he turned to her and offered his hand. "Do you trust me?"

He was definitely going insane. One moment he was asking her if she believed that he did love her and now he's asking if she trusts him?! She decided to just go with the flow. "Yes."

That was all he needed to hear before he helped and picked her up in his arms.

"Lucas! What are you doing? Are you insane?" Brooke asked in a surprised tone.

'For you.' He thought silently to himself. "No." He said instead.

_Cause when there was doubt_

_You'll remember I said_

_I didn't come here believing_

_I would ever be away from you_

_I didn't come here to find out_

_There's a weakness in my faith, yeah_

_I was brought here by the power of love_

_I was brought here by the power of love..._

After driving all the way back to his house he asked Brooke to wait for him in the living room while he went to his room to get something.

He knew that it was there somewhere. He knew that because for the last year he's been looking at it at least once a week. There it was. The brown box he was looking for. Quickly grabbing it he made his way to the living room where Brooke was waiting for him. "Here." He said standing the box into her reach.

"What's that?" She asked with a disgusted face. For her the box looked old. It looked like something that was really…old.

"Open it." He said while kneeling down in front of her and putting the box in her lap.

As soon as she opened the box she could feel the tears welling up in hear eyes all over again. Inside of it were all her letters, every picture they've ever taken together, every little thing she ever gave him and a single red feather. _Her_ red feather. She looked up at him as a tear made its way down her face.

He was still kneeled down in front of her as he softly run a hand over her cheek and wiped the tear away. "Hey…don't cry. I didn't want to make you cry." He said as he continued to caress her face. "Do you really think I'd have kept that stuff if I hadn't loved you? If I _didn't_ love you?" He asked her as a small smile started to appear on his face.

"I…" She didn't know what to say. So he had actually loved her. He _said_ that he had loved her and for the first time in a long time, he had _showed_ her too. "Wait…you love me? Not _loved _but _love_?" She must have heard wrong because if he loves her then for the first time in her life dreams and reality would mix together.

"Yes, I do Brooke. I love you." He said while forcing her to make eye contact with him.

"No, no…you can't love me…I mean what about Peyton? She loves you. She…she said she'd always love you and you said you'd always be in love with her too." She said as she got up and started pacing. "I mean…you two are _destined_ to be together…always have been…you just…you _can't_ love me."

She was rambling and he was trying really hard not to burst laughing. She was really cute when she did that but he had to stop it before she went crazy. He put his hands on her shoulders to stop her and lifted her chin so she'd be looking directly into his eyes. "Can you stop rambling for a second so I can speak?" He playfully asked her with a huge smile on his face.

"No, no, no, you can't because if you speak you'll start one of your speeches that you know I can't resist and I'm not gonna let you do this to again because Peyton loves you and even though I haven't spoken to her in a year I won't do that do her again…"

"Brooke, Peyton's engaged." He said as if he was telling her the weather.

"…she knows that…wait! What? She's _engaged_? To who? I mean, when? How?" She stuttered.

"Normally people get engaged when someone proposes to them…"

"Don't be a smart ass Lucas."

"Okay, okay." He said laughing. "It happened about two months ago and…"

"Can you tell me who it is already?" She asked impatiently.

"To Jake."

"You mean Jake, Jake? Her Jake? Jake Jagielski?"

"Yep."

"But…but you two…you two are meant to be…you _have_ to be because if you're not then…everything I did was for nothing…and no…you're…you're wrong…" Everything was crashing down around her. Peyton and Jake couldn't be engaged because them her pain had been for nothing and even if she wanted it to be true she didn't know if she'd be able to deal with this new piece of information.

When he looked at her he knew exactly what she was thinking and he was scared shitless that she'd run from him again because wanting to admit it or not, she still loved him and he had just told her that he loved her too and with the knowledge that Peyton wasn't a problem anymore, the only thing separating them was herself and her fears. He couldn't let her slip away without doing something. "Brooke, I know that you're scared and that you think everything you went through was for nothing but I need you to listen to me…I love you Brooke and one of the reasons Peyton and I didn't work out was because somehow we had already give our hearts to other people but we were just too scared to admit that we had already found the people we wanted forever with. We settled for the easiest choice and I'm so sorry that you got so hurt because of it."

There he was, offering her everything she ever dreamt of…everything that she ever dreamt of with _him_. "I don't…"

"Please, Brooke? Just give me one more chance, okay? One more chance to prove to you that I love you and that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He knew he looked desperate but he didn't care…he wanted her and he was going to make sure that if he got her this one more time, it'd be forever.

She was cracking and they both knew it. She knew she wanted him and he knew that too. "I can't." She whispered.

"What? Why?" He asked as fear started to creep in. Fear that she wouldn't come back to him. Fear that people that are meant to be together didn't always find their way in the end.

"I've told you Luke, I'm not enough…if I wasn't enough then why would I be enough now?" She asked more to herself than to him.

He realized that it wasn't because she didn't love him. It was because she was scared that she wouldn't be enough and he'd leave her. "No, Brooke. You are enough, you've always been more than enough, okay?!"

"If I was enough then why did you cheat on me?" She asked in a small voice.

"Because I was an ass that didn't know what he had until it was too late. Because I was too scared to let you see me vulnerable and scared that if you'd seen me like that you would not love me anymore and leave me for someone better. Because I knew that you deserved better even though you said that you didn't. Because…"

He never got to finish his sentence because Brooke's lips were already on his and for the first time in a long time he felt that maybe everything would be okay again. Breaking away from their kiss he whispered in her ear "By the way, it wasn't a mistake." When he saw her dimpled smile, he was sure that everything would be okay again.

_"Just like love, life is a mystery and no one knows what's to come."_

_**Please review! :)**_


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